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Friday, June 30, 2017
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Suns and Lovers
Fathers, husbands
brothers ,cousins
uncles, granddads
sons or grandson
Men are a part of
every story
of women
'Suns and lovers'
Moons and friends
and yet there is
that clenched fist
any of them
could be a misogynist !
This post is part of a #blogathon here at BAR.
Monday, June 26, 2017
Lord of the Flies
Image: Google images |
Rapes, abuse and deaths
suicides and silences
battered breaths
only numbers
mere statistics
Women -
nothing to the
Lord of the flies
amidst a thousand
patriarchies !
This post is part of a #blogathon at BAR
Sunday, June 25, 2017
Anatomy of Abuse #ALetterToHer
The vase he threw
was not to express
his anger or frustration
my dear girl, it was
- Intimidation
the hollow apology
was not to undo the harm
but dear naive girl, it was
- Manipulation
the counting of
your "inadequacies"
was not to improve you
but - Humiliation
the keeping you away
the don't go anywhere, stay
was not to protect you
it was subtle Isolation
the threats of harm
to self and/you
to frighten and terrorize,
the loud voice and
sometimes the silence
the gaze, the body language
to coerce and threaten
Dear blinded in love
remove the tinted glasses
and see it as it were
a cycle of abuse
the silence before
the eye of the storm
and the honeymoon
over and over
in a vicious gyre
Dear girl
Inhale strength
the silence before
the eye of the storm
and the honeymoon
over and over
in a vicious gyre
Dear girl
Inhale strength
Spit fire.
Must read a copy of Meena Kandasamy’s new book, When I Hit You because the conspiracy of silence around domestic abuse labeling it as a personal matter,must be broken, because one story is many stories.
Friday, June 23, 2017
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Of Ice and Men
Image:Google Images |
He rubbed her wrong
and you looked away
She body shamed her
and not a word to say
the sexist jokes
and the street harassment
the discrimination
fear and embarrassment
you remained aloof
and closed your eyes
patriarchal men
as cold as ice.
This post is part of a #blogathon at BAR.
Monday, June 19, 2017
Life of Pie
Image : Google Images |
If there was ever a pie chart
of things people say to women
that cause grievous hurt
What all do you think
would figure in there?
Do you think
that they even care?
How sexual violence
uses victim blaming as a tool?
How something as sweet as pie
can turn into a weapon cruel?
This post is part of a #blogathon at BAR
Saturday, June 17, 2017
The Fault is in Our Stares
Image : Google Images |
Is a man defined
by the length of his pants?
then why the moral police
complains and rants
about the length of her skirt
or the neckline of her shirt?
No one asks for violence
wearing what she wants
isn't a dare
there's nothing wrong
in what girls wear
the fault is
in our stares !
Thursday, June 15, 2017
#ALetterToHer from Agony Auntie
Dear Woman,
Hi! Don’t be annoyed about me not using your name. Your
name doesn’t matter, nor do your circumstances or identity. You could be an
urban, educated, liberal, independent modern girl, or a not so educated,
conservative, traditional rural girl.
He could be your husband, lover, boyfriend, live-in
partner, but none of these permutations and combinations alter the anatomy of your
emotionally abusive relationship.
Remember the first time he cracked a misogynist joke in
your presence and you smiled or maybe even laughed along, after all he was your
man, you were expected to stand by whatever he said, believed or laughed at.
Remember the first lump in your throat he caused. It
could be about something as trivial as your bra-strap showing or the tea not
being just right. You sobbed in the washroom or wept aloud after he was gone and then turned into self-censor for your dresses and recipes (well done).
He loved you,
you told yourself over and over again, he meant well, of course good women like
you never annoy their men.
Remember how suddenly you the woman of his dreams became
someone else- selfish, conniving, clumsy. How every conversation was suddenly
flooded with accusations or threats? “If you love me…became the string, and you
the puppet.Obviously you are nurturer by birth, aren't you?
Remember how you surrendered slowly to criticism,
prying and his overbearing presence in your life. But love is supposed to
overwhelm, isn’t it, you must believe.
He was asking for your undivided time and attention. You
were his woman and that was such a privilege. Remember when a few times you did
meekly voice your discomfort, and he said you were just overreacting. Of course
you were too sensitive and sentimental like most women are, or maybe it was
‘that time of the month’; definitely your emotions had become faulty and so
inconsequential. You were making a mountain out of a mole-hill; women must have
the patience and tolerance like Mother Earth.
Remember the flowers followed by the apologies? He was
just following the blue-print of a perfect romance. You must have surely
provoked him, otherwise he was a good man, the man you so loved. He never hit
you, only said a few rude words now and then, or just denied conversations and sex.
Remember how your priorities changed? But then that is
what women are supposed to do, right? He should always come first, even before
you for you; you did learn a new way of love, erasing yourself.
You liked what he liked, disliked what he disliked and
yet you couldn’t make him happy. Didn’t anyone tell you, boys will be boys? Why
couldn’t you just let him be and continue loving him unconditionally?
Dear Woman, women must not have too much self-respect
dear, or it becomes ego, there is one valid ego in this world the male one.
Now though I and any sane woman would advise you
against it, here I give you an excerpt from my personal feminist manifesto, but
follow it at your own risk, your love is at the stake.
· Learn more about intimate partner violence.
(You know it is fashionable to talk about cycle of violence.)
· If you suspect that another woman
around you is being abused, show concern, listen, show her my letter. (But how can one powerless
woman help another?)
· Speak in hushed tones about the abuse and
the abusers but never ever interfere, it is their ‘personal matter’. Also why
bother when he can most probably get away with it.
· Show your support but not at the risk your
own abusive relationship.
· Last resort- Call the police. (But beware that
involves a lot of shamelessness.)
Last but not the least stay safe and never wash dirty
linen in public.
Remain a good Indian girl always like your mother and her mother before her (Watch Mother India once a week) and be a role model for your sisters and daughters.
We must all get married and stay married, at any cost.
Yours truly
Pseudo-feminist agony auntie
Image : Google Images |
(Disclaimer: The author recognizes EMOTIONAL ABUSE as a
serious act of violence in intimate relationships. The views/opinions expressed
are in a sarcastic vein and are meant to highlight the ironical perceptions about abuse in the society we live.If this letter makes your angry, it has succeeded in its purpose.)
Must read a copy of Meena Kandasamy’s new book, When I Hit Youhttp://bit.ly/Meenabk2 because the conspiracy of silence around domestic abuse labeling it as a personal matter,must be broken, because one story is many stories.
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
The woman who used to be #ALetterToHer
The first push
was accidental
she presumed
the wife jokes
becoming nastier
the controlling
the belittling
was just foul mood
gradually the definitions
were altered
silence was the price
for peace
love was a noose
a prison
with no release
"his good heart
was never filled
with malicious intent"
she chanted
the constant
walking on egg shells
and shards of self
the bruises
the best makeup
could not conceal
the flowers and
chocolates
the vacations and gifts
just masks
the nice man
she provoked
the marriage
she couldn't sustain
the numbness
the scars
somewhere inside
she could not see
and the woman
she became
from the
woman she
used to be.
Meena Kandasamy's When I Hit You is a chronicle of an abusive marriage and a celebration of the invincible power of art. It must be read because it breaks the silence surrounding the violence in a traditional wedlock in modern India.