Lessons from a marriage

I had walked into my marriage like any other young girl full of dreams and anticipation of a new life with my best friend and now husband. But after years today I can say that the crux of marriage is learning as much as it is love and these are a few of my lessons from this marriage, hope it keeps them coming for life:

• Its one thing to be in love and quite another to set up a household and have it running.
• One of the best thing a marriage leads to is KIDS who keep the lessons for life coming.
• Things are never as bad as they seem and as rosy as they are in Hindi films and Ekta Kapoor soaps.
• The best treatment for your spouse is equality and no prejudice.
• Sharing is not always caring , having a space of your own and giving the spouse the space is as important too.
• Happiness is not always GRAND and milestone types it is more like in small every day joys and more of a road trip types. keep anticipating the view round the next curve.
• keep learning at the job with your co-student.

5 / 10 / 2013

Life imitates films or films imitate life

the boundary has further blurred

since we met

long-long ago

As you begin another year

let me ensure

more memories

and gossamer dreams !


HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUSBAND !

THE UNI-DIMENSIONAL WOMEN

I had first encountered the term BECHDEL TEST  as a literature student ,today as I am writing about  WOMEN IN MEDIA AND FILMS I incidentally happened to read about the same on another blog as well, I realize nothing much has changed in more than over a decade.So for starters the test is used to identify gender bias in all kinds of media and any piece has to pass three criteria to pass the test:

(1) It has to have at least two women in it, 

(2) who talk to each other, 

(3) about something besides a man.

Just take out two minutes and put your favorite TV serial or Hollywood/Bollywood movie to this test.There are just a handful which will make the cut.This is not just about various art forms but I am sure a lot of real life would also fail the test.

So let me enumerate some of the ways in which we depict women in MOST of our films and media:

• If she dresses the way she wants (read unconventional) she must be the vamp.Good women( read docile,obedient,chaste) dress up conventionally with a veil on their heads and more importantly their minds.
• Women who choose work or career ( read over-ambitious) are dangerous to the social fabric( read existing power structures of patriarchy) and hence need to be labelled BAD.
• Women are truly happy only when they are loved and cherished( read married or brought up to be only happily married). Divorced,separated,single-women are not the norm.
• Women who speak their mind end up lost( read humiliated,alone or worst still raped or killed).
• Only sons/husbands/fathers can protect,lead,decide.Daughters,wives and mothers do so only when men are not there due to whatever reason.
• All women have a duty to look pretty , be obedient and preserve family values( read be objectified and be SILENT.

This is an entry for this women's day contest on INDUSLADIES.

Teachers....

Its Teacher's day and this year I feel like recording here formally my gratitude to a lot of people who have been teachers to me.Some of them officially holding the title ,others earning it by sheer devotion for my betterment.
They come in all shapes and sizes,quite literally and from various walks of life, some even from an age/ time far removed in which I exist.I mention them in no precise order here,only with a heart full of gratitude and love and eyes brimming with the overwhelming feeling of being blessed with all of them in one lifetime.

• My mummy and papa for letting me be the person I am always,listening to me even when they disagreed,for teaching me to reach for the sky without leaving the roots that hold me upright.
• My teachers in my first school where I was a fussy toddler,for teaching me to always ask my questions even at the risks of ruffling some feathers.
• My teachers in St.Thomas School Shimla,for teaching me that real education is not ransom to a great building or the best infrastructure in town,just plain dedication.
• My teachers and friends in St.bede's College Shimla,who made me believe in the strength of my dreams and to look beyond the proverbial well of the small frog for the world out there.
• My friends,teachers and colleagues in Panjab university Chandigarh,for making me master the art of being always comfortable in my own skin,for setting me on a quest of never ending learning.
• My students from a variety of backgrounds and age-groups,for teaching me to be a good listener and regular exercises in the fine art of communication.
• My best friend and now husband for teaching me optimism and humour.
• My daughter ,whose lessons are still on about building blocks,ants,stars and everything else under the sky.
• My friends for being my co-learners as well as teachers in life-experiences as silly as tequila shots and as profound as motherhood.

And last but not the least,innumerable people,objects,experiences and things e.g. Karl Marx,ants,birds,books,colours,watching fog in hills,smelling wine,holding a newborn,cookery shows,household helps,news,internet - all of them teaching me so much and enhancing my treasure trove.
Thank you all ! HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY !