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Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

To Him


Somewhere there
I have told him
I shall no longer
seek his company
I shall not ever now
pick roses for him
sit looking at him
with longing-full eyes
write passionate verses
 for his hands
I will not touch
the cold domains of his heart
with my burning pain

Until next lifetime
it is a break up 
O mehboob-e-illahi !

Saturday, July 13, 2019

Drowning with Swadesh Deepak

fingertips tingle

not in anticipation

but in fear

of touch

that means pain



attempts at writing

reading, gone awry

words make no sense





Drowning

as I close my eyes

I see the missing writer

and his schizophrenia

laughing at me

from the palace of Mandu





I am in a nightmare

with open eyes

a salty wetness

trickling down my lips




clothes, books, pages

closing in on me

typhoons of the mind

drowning my notions of mine




I am on a crucifix

bleeding ink

it is now just

a matter of time.

Thursday, July 11, 2019

Earthquake

Eyelids shut
dreams and tears
share the same home

her rebel soul
exiled for life
in a body 
throbbing in pain

The water runs down 
the contours of her form
she stands still
like the nude woman 
in the fountain
and lets time 
dissolve 
her
drop by drop

hoping for
an earthquake.



Thursday, February 21, 2019

The Cosmic Woman






stranded in herself
her soul tugs at
the invisible gyve

the light
at the end of the tunnel
distant, cold,white

a planet chained
to its orbit
the indifferent cosmos
has forgotten her

between eclipses
and glares
her craters ache
for a pause
and some respite.

Friday, February 8, 2019

Guest Appearance

some absences are conspicuous
looking for something lost
that was never yours

listening to baul songs
I understand nothing
other than the pang
snip,snip,snip

rust mark of a pin
on two papers
they must have been together
long back ago

valentine loneliness creeps
like unusually cold February
grief never fully thaws


The crater in my chest is back
so is the tumor in the spine
love keeps making
guest appearances

Friday, January 25, 2019

Facts

the solace about life is
it isn't endless
like time

the grace about love is
it dies without a trace
like a dream


the irony about pain is
it traps you in a circle
but has no shape


the dichotomy about words is
their meanings are fluid
like existence

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Don't say you love me

Image : Google Images


Chooses the tenderest words



to describe a lost love


if you choose to remember me


sometime, in a rooftop cafe






whenever on a beach, if


a receding wave brings back memories 


of my impossible dreams with you


smile at the sea






the moment your newborn


clasps your finger in his palm


whisper my name in his ear


tell him he lived in my dreams






if you write an autobiography


leave a chapter blank for me


for ruins can't be mentioned


in stories about homes and families






Choose to move on


for burials must be brief


no words are ever appropriate


don't say you love me


that is the worst part !

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

DREAMS


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Image : Google Images


My slow fingers
draw a thick line of kohl
in which remain 
inscribed the names of 
all my lost loves

my hands shake
my heart flutters
counting the deaths
of lovers, of loves

blood-soaked dreams
I roam the corridors 
of Macbeth's mind

Did I kill my dreams?
Did my dreams kill me?




Sunday, August 12, 2018

TIME



Time isn't the same river
I am crossing
I ain't the same person I was

And yet rituals 
repeat themselves
like the rotating prayer wheels
kissing Mcleodganj breeze

with shaking hands
and fluttering heart
a soul holds onto life
that looks like coffee

words, noise, smiles
to drown the ache
of an old scar love left
the waterproof Kajal
won't smudge for sure?

the tip of the index finger
pressed at the tip of the eye
she looks at a past
mourning a future !

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Wound




he examines the burn
only the visible
severity of a pain

gentle dressing
is not life's choice
for me

with a scalpel
without anesthesia
life opens 
the wounds

and forgets
the sutures later on !

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

It is & I am not





It is customary
to hide pain
say "I'm fine"
and smile again

It is polite
to keep a stoic face
when your world
is falling apart
around you
in vain

It is brave
to let it all go
to see what stays
and then have it all
go away

it is
it is
it is

I am not.


Sunday, December 24, 2017

Gift

“First we feel. Then we fall.”


― James Joyce



in all cuts and fabrics
I wear only funeral blacks
in spite the pulse 
and the heart beat
there are moments 
of death, so vivid
that I fear
by this year end
my corpse will start rotting
the worms of your words
eating the core
of my heart
and then slowly
your oblivion
towards my pain
will stop hurting
time for new year gift!
dress me as a bride
and please buy me 
a lovely coffin
called love !

Monday, January 9, 2017

Self-portrait








The reluctance of touching
A gossamer dream
Which could shatter
With a careless caress
Or a thoughtless word

The pain of knowing
Momentariness
Fragility and  inadequacy
Of that rainbow bubble
Called love

Edge of the sword
Waking the thin line
Between now or never
Only now,never again
Acrobatics known as heartbeats

Love is soul's
Self-portrait
Or nothing !


Friday, August 26, 2016

Nothing is Forever



Tashi Chodron was a symbol of peaceful resistance, women’s empowerment and brilliant literature from conflict.

She was born in McLeodganj, her parents had moved there from Tibet a few years ago. Her father started a school and provided her and her siblings good education and a comfortable life. As soon as she was in high school, proposals for marriage came pouring in and like all traditional parents the best prospect was soon arranged for her.

The first few months were stuff that dreams were made of. He was an upcoming writer, traveled a lot, was used to fans and publicity, but soon she realized he was also used to something else - violence. It was the kind of vicious violence that happened in the closed confines of bedrooms. The scars of which are too personal to reveal and too hurtful to ignore.

Still she carried on for three long years because “abandoned” women were not honorable in their culture. It was another “episode” as he would call them later, when he pushed her so forcefully against the wooden railing that she knew he had killed their third baby instantly. She walked out, blood running down her cotton trousers, straight to the police station.

Four days later as she lay in the hospital, she saw her mother sitting by her bedside. She knew the same rehearsed lines would now pour at her about tradition, marriage, and hope. Her father and brothers were waiting for her to gain consciousness so that she could withdraw her complaint and not ‘disgrace ‘the family. She didn’t. Hers became the first case from their community about marital rape and violence in Himachal Pradesh High Court.

The most expensive case for her, it took away everything- her home, her marriage, her social status and most importantly her family. She was disowned and all ties were severed, so much so that even relatives or former friends looked away when they saw her somewhere in the town.


Tashi took refuge in books. She read Buddhist literature and every book she could lay her hands on. In the next three years she survived on charity by tourists and odd jobs but completed her graduation and teacher’s training via correspondence courses.
She stared writing a blog and small assignments for local magazines and newspapers. A year later she was teaching in a monastery’s school and also working with an NGO for women. She now realized she had to let go of her family and unborn children to find a much larger family of distressed like herself.
Today the auditorium was bustling with literature enthusiasts, critics and Buddhist monks. One of their own would be here later for an event for her much-acclaimed poetry book.

Tashi walked onto the podium to read her favorite piece. Her voice faltered a little in the beginning, as she remembered the “no” that she could never say to her father when she was married off young, or the ‘enough’ she should have said to her husband.
She read:

Look out
At the cages
Ties of blood and race
Family and society
And then look in
Towards freedom
Find the peaceful place
That says and repeats
‘Nothing is permanent’
Be your own Buddha.

Amidst applause Tashi saw faces of women from her NGO, her students, and in the last row her ex-husband holding a copy of her book. The dedication of that book read – To Buddha, who said “nothing is forever.”

Saturday, April 9, 2016

HARNESS YOUR HURT #AtoZChallenge #LifeLessons

 
like all other inevitables
hurt will come along
but don't forget
to grab the lessons it brings
and the chance to evolve
 
one shade of life
will be so monochrome
so let hurt also
knock you down
and leave you grown.
 

Kintusuki is a Japanese art of repairing cracked vessels by filling in gold in the cracks that makes them much stronger than before. We must all treat ourselves like these cracked vessels and we must let our hurts and hardships reinforce our character and inner strength.
 
It is so human to be scared of hurt, to try to avoid pain as much as we can, but we all know hurt and pain is as much part of human life as happiness and love. Often we get drowned in the pain, the loss, we wallow in self-pity and keep asking why me repeatedly.
 
 


So next time when you are going through a hurt or a pain, do not forget to retain its lessons and its learning, it might open new insights into yourself and the world around us.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

A day in my magical life

the smog sits heavy
like the carcass of
a dead relationship

in the rhythmic jostling of
a cycle rickshaw
lies the irony
of the ego spins
we derive
from the race
for being the superlative

the sedatives are strong
they blur memory
and sensation
but pain can't be extracted
like a rotten tooth

my fingers itch
my eyes twitch
looking for the next object
to scrub
while my mind fiddles
why ? why?

my late father's voice
reading out aloud
the laws of insulation

I know he is dead
I know the word "hallucination"

I close my eyes
and I jump off the cliff of self
into me

now I scrub
my soul's lamp
waiting for
some real magic.

 

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Hometown

hills and fog
memories of
spring gone by
buried in the snow

flavours, fragrances
of youth
the decay and emptiness
of old age

the joy and
the ache
the bitter-sweet
the happy-sad
hometown.


 

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

DECEMBER


The reluctant rain
like the jilted lover
scared of revealing
too much too soon

The furious ligtening
like an old spark
there and yet not there,
sometimes only sound
ocassionally only light

Dear December
with companions so weird
it must be a tough
to always be the last
full of closures
and pending pain

mere memories
of spring
to warm the heart !

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Cobweb

The squanderer is
just a cobweb in a corner

it is peculiar and
makes its presence felt
every day

it doesn't grow
doesn't change
but clings tightly
to my soul

my broom of determination
falls short of it
very often

This cobweb of pain
is here to stay.

Keywords

2019 April Blogging challenge B-A-R BOY Blogarhythm Book Review Buddha December GADGETS HAIKU Hamlet Rumi Ruskin Bond Sexism Stream of consciousness Womensweb answers anxiety apathy barathon birthday blog blogathon books breasts brothers bullying cartoons chandigarh child childhood children cities colour compassion contest cosmos culture dad daughter de death death loneliness alone delhi depression desire devi discrimination disorder diwali domestic violence dreams emily emotional abuse eyes facebook fairytale family fear feminism festival film fire first flash fiction fog freedom freeze frenemy friends games gender gender ratio girls god grandfather grandmother grief happy heart hills hindi home hope husband independence day indiblogger internet jagjit singh kashmir kerouac kids lessons life life lessons light loneliness lonely longing loss love lover marriage me memories memories men menstruation mental health mind miss mom mom dad mother mother's day motherhood mythology nest new year nobody nostalgia pain pakistan panjab university papa paradoxes patriarchy periods poem poet poetry priyamvada questions random thoughts rape relationships religion remember rickshaw ritual sad sex sexual harassment sexual harrasment shimla short story silence social media soul sufi suicide summers taboo time toddlers tradition tragedy twitter valentine violence voice war winter woman women women's day words. thoughts words.thoughts worry worship writer writing yatra yeats zen zen. बेटी माँ

COMPANIONS CALLED BOOKS

To Kill a Mockingbird
The Catcher in the Rye
Animal Farm
The Alchemist
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Romeo and Juliet
Frankenstein
The Odyssey
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
The Count of Monte Cristo
Eat, Pray, Love
Lolita
The Da Vinci Code
The Kite Runner
The Silence of the Lambs
The Diary of a Young Girl
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Notebook
Gone With the Wind
}

The Human Bean Cafe, Ontario

The Human Bean Cafe, Ontario
my work on display there !!!!!