DIWALI MUSINGS !!!!!

Amidst the hectic but mundane routine of looking after an active 10 month old,I had thought sonee's first diwali would be a welcome change for both of us.We would do all the little girly things that she is yet to learn and i have already dumped post-motherhood-dressing up,decorating our space,so on and so forth.
Just before the d-day something happened-something I'm yet to pin-point,something which robbed me of all my newly found enthusiasm.Ididn't look forward to diwali then on,I lost all interest in decoration and dressing up and deep within another debate germinated-what do festivals actually mean?what perception of a festival should i create for my daughter?why do celebrate certain days?
why had i become so sceptical,i'm yet to find out.we did everything we usually do on a diwali,even went to a swanky party which we don't usually do.as i witnessed my husband showing my daughter distant lights, neighbourhood childern bursting crackers ,people at the party pseudo-wishing each other,i realised we all celebrate a different diwali every time .it means different things to different people every year.today morning as my househelp was cribbing that this time she got yellow sarees from all the homes she works for ,i realised that i'm yet to decide what colour was my diwali this year.

MARTYR MOMS

I became a mom just ten months ago and trust me before that I was normal -happily married,working 10 to 5,29 yrs old modern indian woman.Motherhood seemed to be quite a rosy proposition but not anything worthy of more regard than some other types of achievements in life.


Somehow I always detested the extra-glorified pedestal being granted to motherhood,especially in our books,mythology,folklore and movies,I still do,because I feel it is just a biological preference given to us women-though slightly sophisticated

Sonee,my little one, has taught me a lot of things about self and life,about being an average mom and being ok about it.Yes motherhood has come with a lot of baggage but then what in life doesn't?

I don't think it is something glorious to be a mom however Ido think it is a very brave decision and a very costly commitment.It settles for nothing less than your complete self and in return sometimes leaves you tired ,depressed and alone.

So I choose to be just a mom and refuse to be a martyr unlike many mom's I know who don't miss a single opportunity to tell their childern "maine tumhare liye kya nahin kiya",who don't let their childern own and lead their lives and who love to be glorified as the martyr moms.