no word...

When I had first met her I had thought how can someone so short- statured have such a huge personality.Her broad smile,her impeccable control on language and her colourful shiffon sarees ,all added to the charm.Whether you listened to it on AIR ,where she worked,or just casually chatting with a neighbour,her voice was the kind you don't forget easily. Yesterday I met her again after almost a decade.She is someone else .The glow and the charm are gone,so is the memorable voice.She lost her only son a few weeks ago and since then a smile, a hug or a kind word evoke no response.As she sat there at the doctor's clinic with her husband,staring into nothingness,I hugged her tight,hid a tear and turned away.I realised why there is no word in any language for a parent who loses a child.

battlefield

The dream and the chasing....the desire and the burning.The essence and the meaning,its a strange muddle......What can the heart deny or the soul confirm ,the insanity of a love or the desperation of hatred......the mind a volatile battlefield .

जियो और जीने दो

जहाँ मेरी जड़ें हैं

वो पेड़  कहता है

अब मैं नहीं उसकी डाली

जिसने मुझे

प्यार का सपना दिखा

लाकर रोप दिया

अपनी बगिया मैं

उसके लिए

अब भी परायी

मुझे अस्तीत्व की

इस लड़ाई में

उलझाकर

तुमने हमेशा साबित

किया कमज़ोर...

कमज़ोर  हैं सिर्फ तुम्हारी

प्रथाएयें

तुम्हारी सोच और मान्याताएँ

ज्यादा मत करो

बस जियो और जीने दो

LESSONS FROM MY DAUGHTER

It is strange how me a mom,who should be imparting my kid most of her knowledge about this strange world,often finds the role reversed.My daughter turned two and a half today and what a roller-coaster it has been... .Yet I would not exchange this for any other experience of my life because the following lessons from my daughter couldn't have come better from anywhere else.

• SEEK LOVE - Even if it means being denied sometimes,the process of seeking a hug,a kiss or just pure attention makes one look around for people who might themselves be starving for love but are too busy to look for it.
• GIVE LOVE - How about a kind ,word to your mom when she is tired, a flying kiss to a dog,a small hat with your plant.find a way to give love ,it will only make your heart a warmer place.
• NEVER STOP ASKING - The only risk is irritating the other people,but isn't it worth the knowledge acquired,askling  is not only about questions it is also about answers and hearing the other person out.
• MEND - Whether its a broken toy or a rule or a fence .try to mend it, true it will never be the same but it will no longer be broken.
• PRICETAGS ARE MEANINGLESS   The real test of worth of anything is the joy it gives us.When we get a call from a long-lost friend do we think about the model of her latest phone?Sometimes a small ice-cream treat is more worthy than an expensive dinner.
• FORGIVE - It is alright to be upset,angry and hurt but one can't be like that for long.So forgive and move on.
• APOLOGISE - We all make mistakes some like the broken china vase are irreversible and others like he stolen cookie just stupid,but a heartfelt sorry for both is a must.
• SING - The lyrics are unimportant,the tune in your heart and the spring in your steps are worth singing.
• DANCE - At the risk of making a fool out of yourself just let the rhythm take over ,it is excellent therapy to make anyone smile.
• SMILE - Words are nice ,but a smile can make you communicate even with a perfect stranger.So smile,even in the face of an injection ,it will not make the pain go away but will surely make the doctor smile back at you.

THE KITCHEN SINK THEORY OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS

Even before I have keyed this in ,I'm very sure that the moment this lands into some inboxes and on some walls,I'll get these ," are u mad calls?".Calls from people in my life,(thank god for the handful of them),who have been long enough or homest enough to speak freely without fail.But this one is not about good relationships....
As my household help is on her summer sojourn and I'm left to fend for myself and my household,my erratic mind has started playing weird games with me.Standing in front of a fully-piled kitchen sink,overflowing with last night's extended dinner with a friend,me the madcap came up with my KITCHEN SINK THEORY OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS.

The humble kitchen sink loaded with dirty dishes appeared to me like any intimate human relationship,overwhelmed with the burden of yesterday,good memories and bad.Its only hope in sheer human effort and a constantly flowing faucet of love and attention.Just like a bloated egoor a blocked communicationa clogged drain leading to unbearable stink,stagnation and trouble.

As in all other sticky situations of life the irony is that this very meesy sink holds the essentials and potential of another wonderful meal,similar to the hope that all relationships can be seived,scrubbed and washed to look better if not as good as new.

This heavy dose of inspiration goaded me on to quickly do the dishes and then as I opened this page  I realised the next one can be - The blog theory of human relationships ,till then....

'

Jesus and Krishna

On a recent visit to a friend's place Sonee, my toddler, made a new friend - Jesus.Their beautiful house had beautiful sketches and paintings of Christ,and the constantly - curious Sonee wanted to know all about the new 'person' instantly.I didn't know a better way to get her introduced than to tell her that He is also God-friend like Krishna in our own house.
Sonee kept pondering on the info for a while and then responded ,"mama , where are christ's cows?" (she had stretched the Krishna connection).
I was kept wondering for a while ,looking for a suitably satisfying answer for her query.Then I stumbled on the fact that both Krishna and Jesus were close to cattle/sheep,both were born in adverse circumstances,both were people's person(s).

The next instant I strangely think of men burning down a Christain man and his two young sons because they prayed to Jesus and not Krishna.
Why is there so much of strife and hatred ?
I'm sure both Jesus and Krishna are troubled due to what we have made out of religions,and how we conveniently hide our narrow-minded perceptions in their names.

For the unsung hero

She doesn't know exactly how old she is ,but she definitely looks older than her real age.Her world is her four children and work,and also a husband whose utility is only as a name on her childern's school records.She never went to one herself but finds it all the more essential for her kids to get an education.

Her battles are not grand,she doesn't struggle to get her waist thinner or her hair less gray.She finds joys in small things like buyin a new skirt for her girl or finding out her son's progress in school.Her persistence at things is often infectious and her resilience to get a better life for her family is something all women can relate too.

Today her day was defined by finding a comfortable corner aboard a passenger train to her village .I salute her and thousands of other domestic helps who make life easier for us with a smile and without any heartfelt acknowledgement.

These faceless,identity-less people sure deserve a little time,thought and respect.

UNFRIEND

Many years ago I had a friend,lets call her H. we were in the same course in college but at that point our interaction was limited to exchanging pleasantaries,notes or debates in seminars. I liked her panache,her outgoing nature and her broad smile,but we had our own set of friends and didn't get thick while there.

A couple of years later we were put together in another course in another university,here we also shared a hostel ,became more intimate and friendly.I found her to be even better than I had imagined.We now talked more,shared more and kind of became each other's family away from home.All seemed well.....
The day I got married in a sudden and small strictly family function she was the one who called and wished me happiness.After that I got so tied up in settling down in my new life that didn't get back to her though I kept myself updated about her by some common friends .She got married too,cities changed,numbers changed....no contact for almost four years.
Then FB happened,I located her through her blog ,contacted her,but understanably enough she seemed annoyed and distant.I was elated though that she had done well for herself ,was in a job she loved and had an adorable kid a little older than mine.A few weeks later as I was going through a bad patch ,I wrote to her and I'm sure it sounded like asking for help.
She responded.She hit the cruel UNFRIEND button.
I was hurt,but didn't want to loose her a second time so I found her number and called,but she had moved on.Sadly I haven't,I still think about her.I admit it is my fault too,maybe it is all my fault but I wanted to make amends and thats what I tried to do.
Whenever I see that button on FB ,I wish I could undo it and win my friend back.
Is being less successful so bad?
or is asking for a second chance unforgivable?
Whoever coined that word unfriend,and whoever made that into clickable possibility has lent a new dimension to human relationships.Will we soon also look for unmother,unfamily,unlife.....
So please the next time you hit that button on someone please think twice....and yes pray that me and H befriend each other again and heal our relationship.

An Ode to Illness

The burning sensation                                        
of a fever
the hard shell of a plaster
on a limb
or even just a routine
thumping unease
of a headache.


all of these
get the usual reactions
irritation,anger,
a painkiller
or at best a visit to a doctor.

The next time
I am hit with
such a mishap/misfortune
I decide ,I'll just slow down

Take a break
and relax
maybe illness is just
a reminder from
life itself
to take a few deep breathst
cut the rush
and enjoy just life.

The Great Indian Tamasha

Ironically the venue                                              
of it all
was a Ramleela maidan

the stage was set
the self-proclaimed hero
the demonised villains
and the innocent foot soldiers.

On a sleepy summer night
the adversaries came calling

The hero managed
a partial undercover escape

the footsoldiers
dispersed as autumn leaves
still waited for divine intervention.

the foolish ministers
wrote an epic for
an opponent.

The Great Indian Tamasha is still on.

real beauty

Beauty is
the wide smile
my toddler gives me
every morning.

Beauty is the
the small aloe plant
on my window sill.

Beauty is 
the lines on my moms face
telling stories.

Beauty is
a belief
in future,its hope,love,
care and prayer.