The Women & The Buddhas of Bamiyan

The tanks called tradition

fired and fired first

next the artillery shells 
of Culture

causing scars
with its anger

the prisoners,victims once 

turned oppressors

then carried "family "
and truckloads of

love - the deadliest 

explosive to teach

the rebels to shut up

from the holy towers

of motherhood & matrimony
the rebel "idols" detonated

the killing of her "me"

self-respect in smoke

identity in burnt gunpowder
resonated

but lo and behold

as the smoke and dust settled

it was clear 

only her legs had been crippled

there she still stood

with her head held high

on her injured shoulders

fresh dynamite called

defamation was brought

and in holes as deep 

as sexual violence

planted in her heart

the planned obliteration worked

and there it was

the hollow, where

once she was

Rubble
reduced to dust

The Bamiyan Buddha
and the broken woman's trust ! 

This poem was inspired by this article : http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-31813681

Warrior Women

The fragile-brave woman

who refuses

to kill

an unborn girl

and stands by 

her daughters

through every storm

the little girl

who insists

"education"

in the face of

a terror regime

and a gun to her head

the young woman

who speaks

periods, breasts

and abuse

without the shackle of 

honor, 

fear or shame

the survivor

who battles a 

crime

violence or a

fatal disease

but doesn't compromise

her mind,voice or name

the old woman

who lets go

of centuries of do's & don'ts 

and stands with the girls

against the men

warriors all

in words, thoughts

and essence !

All Warrior Women !

This post is for a Blogathon titled WARRIOR WOMEN here @ Women's Web

When a Greek pirate ship sails in to loot the wealth of the Cholas, it is brutally defeated by the navy and forced to pay a compensation. A payment that includes a twelve-year-old girl, Aremis. Check out this new historical novel Empire (http://bit.ly/DeviEmpire) with a warrior woman, Aremis at the heart of the novel.

Lord of the Flies

Image: Google images

Rapes, abuse and deaths

suicides and silences

battered breaths

only numbers

mere statistics

Women - 

nothing to the

Lord of the flies

amidst a thousand

patriarchies !

This post is part of a #blogathon at BAR

Anatomy of Abuse #ALetterToHer

The vase he threw

was not to express

his anger or frustration

my dear girl, it was

- Intimidation

the hollow apology

was not to undo the harm

but dear naive girl, it was

- Manipulation

the counting of 

your "inadequacies" 

was not to improve you

but - Humiliation

the keeping you away

the don't go anywhere, stay

was not to protect you

it was subtle Isolation

the threats of harm

to self and/you

to frighten and terrorize,

the loud voice and 

sometimes the silence

the gaze, the body language

to coerce and threaten

Dear blinded in love

remove the tinted glasses

and see it as it were

a cycle of abuse

the silence before 
the eye of the storm
and the honeymoon

over and over
in a vicious gyre
Dear girl
Inhale strength

Spit fire.

Must read a copy of Meena Kandasamy’s new book, When I Hit You because the conspiracy of silence around domestic abuse labeling it as a personal matter,must be broken, because one story is many stories.

Life of Pie

Image : Google Images

If there was ever a pie chart

of things people say to women

that cause grievous hurt

What all do you think 

would figure in there?

Do you think

that they even care?

How sexual violence

uses victim blaming as a tool?

How something as sweet as pie

can turn into a weapon cruel?

This post is part of a #blogathon at BAR

NAVRATRI SNAPSHOTS 2015



•  A 40 years old, mother of two teenagers is distributing ice-cream sticks on the road near her apartment complex to street children. Some of them pre-teen and teenage boys, soon she is being pulled and groped and loud whistles and leering and she runs back inside the gated residential complex. The misguided kids enjoy the free ice-cream, aunty goes back to her condo, runs a hot bath and all that remains of the incident are the wrappers piled on the footpath.
  When we let go of any incidents as minor incidents of street harassment, don’t we pave way for far more dire incidents?
  What makes our boys believe they are entitled to rowdy behaviour ?Is our "Charity" misguided?

•  I am watching news, my little one who is unaware of the technical gross details of sexual violence and RAPE, knows the word and knows that it is a cruel and bad thing to do to anyone. She stops colouring and after overhearing bits and pieces of a debate over the rape of two minors, she asks, "Mumma why do people hate and hurt little girls , so much? " I have no convincing answers.

• In a neighbourhood Kirtan, almost every other song or line has the word "laal" (red), traditionally the colour for married women ( Saubhagyavatis), those singing these lines loudest are widowed mothers, sisters and wives , sitting in a corner away from the deity, the inauspicious women.

• Not far from the Indian capital two little children are charred to death because they were not fortunate enough to be born upper caste, we look away and feel we have done our bit for the future kids of this country by distributing a few plates of poori-halwa.

•P : Mumma we Indians are generally brown you said , because of our genes and race and ,and climate.

Me: Yes dear.

P: Then why are all the goddesses fair, other than Kaali?

Me: ahmm....

P: and why don't they make Kaali beautiful? If a woman becomes angry does she become ugly?

I have taken some time from her to answer these difficult questions.

Women of tomorrow and Election 2014

The sun is about to set in Delhi on what they are calling the election of the century #Election2014. In a society park little girls between 5 to 12 years huddle by a swing for chit-chat and play. The most important topic who wore what on which day and who repeats her dresses most.

What's wrong with that? Probably the growing up of our kids beyond their years faster than we imagine is what's wrong. They no longer talk of fairy tales or games.

 

The next topic #election2014. The slightly older ones say condescendingly you can only vote when you are 18. But only boys become prime ministers says one. The others laugh," No stupid, Indira Gandhi was also prime minister." 

Thank you Indira Gandhi I mutter, whatever were the reasons or the political motivations you still inspire some hope for our girls. But the little one born only a few years ago has only seen men as presidents and Prime ministers, not her fault if she does not relate to you I argue with myself.

 

And then comes the shocker, "You know only men know "kisko vote dena hai" ( who to vote for). Why?, ask two little ones simultaneously. My dad was telling my mom and my elder sister to vote for M****, and we must always obey our father. Papas are heads of family you know.

 

I peer into my phone's screen Mulayam Singh Yadav is condoning RAPE and  suddenly I do not blame the illiterate women in the villages of UP who cast their vote where there men ask them to. I am looking inwards, at educated women like myself and how they let go of every iota of power that they can possibly have only for the elusive ghar ki shanti (peace at home).

 

I wanted to talk to these women of tomorrow but they have run away by then.

From the shacks across the boundary wall  the light of a single bulb filters through, I look at the multi-storeyed apartments and I see their shallow core producing another generation of unaware exploited women.

 

The sun has set.

 

On our way back my daughter asks,"Mumma you know who I will vote for?" I tell her," You don't need to tell me or anyone its your right and only you should know."

अभिशप्त

क्या है अभिशप्त 
यह देह का कारागार ?

जो मुझे 
रखता है 
सदेव असुरक्षित 

और तुम्हें 
सदेव आसक्त।
 

CHATTER @ WECHAT

I can think of at least a 100 people whom I would love to chat with, ask questions, know their viewpoints and tell them my own. I am a people’s person and love to have long talks with cupfuls of tea or a few leisurely drinks. So yes sieving through that long list and short listing my top few to share the privilege of WECHAT was a tough assignment. To make things easier I decided to begin the rounds of chat with a divine intervention.

Ever since I was a kid I loved to chat with my friend Lord Krishna. Oh! Please do not get me wrong I am not the religious discourse types, but I like to talk to him about every day things- people, relationships, money, career and the like. One question I have often asked him in the recent years and would love to get an answer via WE CHAT is – why didn’t he enable Draupadi to be strong enough to save herself and instead chose to come himself to her rescue? I understand the importance of having worthy episodes in your biography if you are a God, and also the ethical rightness of responding to a devout cry for help. But wouldn’t it have been a sterling example for all Indian girls to be empowered themselves instead of letting your lousy husbands lose you in a bet, their relatives insult you and then a brother-like God come to your rescue. In the wake of the Delhi rape case I asked this question too often, has our mythology set the wrong precedents so much so that the woman is blamed for crimes against her, giving the lame excuse that she crossed the Laxman-rekha, and all kinds of restrictions are put on women in the name of their safety. We do not blink an eye when a husband treats a wife as his property and why the victims lose IZZAT while the criminals have human rights activists shouting themselves hoarse to treat these monsters with sympathy?

I definitely would ask my dear blue god about his concept of true love? Is the kind of love you and Radha shared possible for humans like me? What is the most important lesson we can take from your legendary friendship with Sudama? Is it possible to have a true friend beyond the class boundaries?

Once Krishna in his charming way gives me some answers I will let him go back to manage the affairs of the world and settle to talk to my favourite revolutionary of all times, the one and only India’s very own Che Guevera Bhagat Singh. His atheist beliefs are well-documented and his beardless and short hair pictures are popular even in the Sikh heartland Punjab. So I would want to ask him on behalf of a lot of my Sikh friends that how does one prioritise when an issue is important to you but it demands disobedience to your religious principles? How much of what we wear or don’t wear consists of our religious identity? This is a common conflict I see in lots of Sikh families where the youngsters want to do away with their beard and kes (hair) and the elders consider it absolutely impermissible. I would ask- How would you evaluate the direction in which this country’s youth are headed? You were just 23 when you made the choice to lay your life for your country and now most 23 years olds would be unable to even give one full day of their busy lives for India, what would you say to them? What would be on your reading list dear Bhagat, in our times and yes would you like to meet Che Guevera some day? I hope he would say yes to the last one because two great revolutionaries, they would surely churn out lots of food for thought for all of us.

Hitler would come next, because all my life I have tried to understand how hatred could drive one person to such a violent extreme. There has been much analysis of love and of individual violence, but the kind of collective violence he engineered is unparalleled in history. Well I would try not to ask him about his strange and funny moustache:-p but I would want to ask him what his regrets are, if any? Does it hurt to be one of the most hated men of all times? Today when the world sits on a nuclear pile of explosives one extremist like you could push the world to its very brutal end, would you do it differently if you had a second chance? Is a person’s family tree so important, is race so important? I would ask Mr.Fuhrer how he managed to deceive a whole nation to participate in his idea of an ideal state.

Referring to some other great conquerors, warriors and political leaders I would like to know his opinions about Gandhi’s non-violence and Martin Luther King’s struggle for civil rights and Nelson Mandela's campaign for social justice.Who do you think is remembered more and fondly you or any of them?

Chats with three men in a row I think I would definitely need some lady to chat with now, and who else but one of my favourite writer’s and feminists of all times- Virginia Woolf. Wow lady! I must compliment you for inspiring many generations of women to have A Room of One’s own !!But dear let me tell you that just like you then women still live in “potentially dangerous space” everywhere in the world. Even today it seems “women are imaginatively of the highest importance; practically completely insignificant.” I would ask her to elaborate on her notion of trickle down patriarchy. I would ask her how we can manage the struggle to recognise women’s unpaid work in today’s highly commercialised work. What made you choose to integrate your creative work into social thought? And on a lighter note I would ask her how does it feel to have her face a wide range of gift-ware and memorabilia like book marks and mugs, does it dilute some of her strong stance or just popularises it?
Next up would be someone I observe carefully every day but have reserved my views about for some time now. The intellectual-looking, possessor of the strongest vocal chords in the universe, the TV journalist-crusader.  

Yes I am talking about the same-wardrobe-all-seasons, the same-pitch and tone-all issues person who screams his lungs out because the nation wants to know. I want to ask this person how they decided to compensate for the dearth of real horror genre in India in primetime news. These mighty people must tell me the nitty-gritty of running a kangaroo court on TV screens where just like the brand of coffee endorsing their channel there is instant justice and punishment.
I want to ask them are their panelists (who either silently nod their heads in disagreement or frustration from their tiny window on the screen or ONLY agree with the huffing and puffing journalist of courage) paid or their silence is golden.
I want to ask them, who decide what “breaking news” is. Is it called so because most of the times I feel like breaking my TV or my head when I hear them shout BREAKING! In the race of becoming “your channel got this first” how did you come to presume that the nation really wants to know only your opinion on everything?

I would also love to chat with someone I call a Facebook fanatic. I want to ask her does she think that the earth now rotates on the frequency of her status updates. Why does she think that the world would end if she does not display the picture of her lunch and dinner plates? I would tell her that using infinite smiley faces and cuss words in her updates and comments is so juvenile, has she ever tried using her mind instead? I would definitely like to ask her home remedies for a sore thumb caused by constant typing. Does she know that there is a whole world outside the Facebook home page and friends’ photo albums? I would want to ask her what is her tip for time management, how much time can one waste to take bathroom breaks in the middle of day and night chats? The number of friends on your list is just that A NUMBER or do you think that number is directly proportional to your well-being and “influence”? I would also like some light to be thrown by her esteemed FB self on how many starving children she thinks she has fed by a click? My parting message to her would be- “Darling, facebook likes are the wrong scale to measure self-worth or any one else's worth, remember the last time you looked at the sunset or walked in the park(without peeping into your Smartphone every two minutes),so sign out of  FB and log into real life !”

Once I am done with my vicious outpour I would like to sit down for some soothing chat with two of my all-time favourite writers- Ruskin Bond – the bard from the Mussorie hills and Paulo the Alchemist Coelho. I am sure both these soft-spoken gentlemen would be kind to answer my questions about how to maintain calmness in chaos? How to find the answers and how to choose the right word to express what you have found?

I wish I had enough energy to chat with IPL team owners and fans, cyber stalkers, public property destroyers, the US President and my great grandmother, but I’ll not be greedy and as the cliché goes last but not the least I would like to chat with my favourite costumed crime fighter- Spiderman. I am sure he can tell me why we need to believe in superheroes? I would want to ask him about how can a commoner like me save the world even if I manage to save only a small bit.

And then following his dictum- “with great power there comes great responsibility”, I will not misuse my WECHAT power and call it a day pondering on the lessons I take home from all these eye-opening sessions.

दिल्ली

यह जो चुप्पी साध लेते हो
सच के घिनोने चेहरे देखकर
यह जो मुंह मोड़ने की आदत है तुम्हारी                                                        
सब  असुखद समाचारों से
डरावनी हैं यह सभी प्रवृतियाँ

क्या करोगे जब ऐसी  ही कोई
भयावह हकीकत
आ खड़ी होगी
एक सुबह तुम्हारी चौखट पर


कबूतरों जैसे
आँखें मूंद लेने से
जब तक न भागेगी बिल्ली

तब तक और एक ,एक और,
और एक दिल्ली

चाकलेट

क्यों गयी थी
वो पागल  लड़की
गली में खेलने
गलियाँ सड़कें तो
लड़कों के लिए
होती हैं

चुप-चाप सुबह
कहीं कंजक बनती
पूरी-हलवा पांच रूपये लेती
और देवी बनकर
मर्यादा के कारावास
में खुद को बंद कर लेती

चाकलेट का
लालच ही उसको लील गया
घुटनों के ऊपर फ्राक पहनाया
नासमझ माँ ने
देखो बेटी का शील गया

अब लड़के तो लड़के होते हैं
कब उम्र देखकर छेड़ते हैं
"शुक्र करो लड़की जिंदा
मिल गयी तुम्हारी"
दरोगा ठीक ही बोला
घर में कन्या-पूजन
करने वाले हाथ ही
आँचल नोचते हैं

बेवकूफ माँ-बाप थे उसके
कोख में ही जो मार गिराते
खुद भी दुःख से बचते
दो लड़कों का भविष्य भी बचाते

दो-चार दिन खूब शोर मचेगा
टीवी वाले आएंगे ,
अखबार बिकेगा
फिर आंकड़ा बना कर
कहीं दबा दी जाएगी
जब तक फ्राक पहनकर,
पांच साल की
कोई और पागल लड़की
चाकलेट को ललचाएगी !

SOME DIFFICULT QUESTIONS

During this last one month images and voices related to the Delhi Rape,the subsequent protests and debates have flooded our lives.My daughter had a few difficult questions for me,here I try some answers.

Why does this girl hide her face?
This was a shocker,it came after she saw graphics similar to the ones mentioned in this article,which represent the woman survivor of a sexual crime as SHAMED.

But as any logic would point out shouldn't the wrongdoer be shamed instead of the victim of the wrongdoing?The worn out logic of social stigma against the survivor needs to break.

I told her she is not hiding her face,she is not ashamed,she is hurt.If we support her she will surely show us her face and smile some day.

Why did bad men kill her?

She is too young to understand what bestiality they subjected her to before attempting to kill her finally,but that doesn't lessen the impact of this query from a four year old.What kind of images of men is she forming in her mind,I wonder?

She still doesn't understand death due to violence fully yet knows killing is a bad word and a bad deed.

I told her sometimes we all are tempted to do bad,hurt others.But if you are being hurt by some one ever,speak up and if ever you are tempted to hurt some one remember its BAD and STOP.

Can I go in a bus when I am a big girl?

Wish I could say no to this.But then wouldn't I be participating in the extended conspiracy of locking-up our girls from public spaces due to fear of sexual or other exploitation?

I tell her you can but you have to be vigilant and brave,hoping that by the time she is old enough to take a bus alone things would have changed for the better for her and all us women.