CHILDREN'S DAY SNAPSHOTS

31st December
my frozen hands
want to loose
their painful fingertips
long after the party is over
the dishes are done
I make a new year wish.

20th January
The shiny new flyover
is not a road
its curved underbelly
is home
cold, unsafe, no walls
the NGO people
tell us fairy tale


14th February
I sold 100 roses today
the money and mother
are gone
Are all policemen bad?


23rd March
I serve tea
to intelligent people
in the university
while they talk about revolution
someone called Bhagat Singh

17th April
My mom died
father is in prison for it
I am now a parent
to three of us.


27th May
The little girl
in the big house
where mom works
has something called vacation
I am sure it must be pretty

20th June
She says touch is love
Love cannot feel so bad
the chocolate she leaves behind
always tastes bitter
even when
I be a good boy

16th July
I polish the pretty school shoes
I iron the beautiful pinafore
I pack the tiffin
I walk the dog
I sometimes feel hungry.

15th August
I sold flags
at a traffic light
the tar burns
into my soles
what is In-de-pen-den-ce
who knows?

25th September
I can never forget
I can never tell
what he does to me
but I want to go to school....

19th October
The Diwali sweets
my fingers
my skin
tastes like gunpowder
my eyes can't bear the light
I make crackers.

14th November
CHILDREN'S DAY


 

Why boys will always be boys ?.

Until my daughter started pre-school and I witnessed her increased interaction with kids from both the genders I also believed as majority does that gender roles and stereotypes and more so gender related violence happens only after the kids are past a certain age,starting from pre-teens to their adult life.

Much to my dismay I conclude that subtle gender violence happens ,is taught, propagated and supported or at best ignored even at ages as young as four or five.

The world is talking about rapes after the horrific rape and killing of a young girl in Delhi in December 2012 and a few other equally violent rapes of young girls as young as five in Delhi and other towns in India.We talk about domestic violence, economic inequality based on gender and so many other discriminatory practices which unfortunately still prevail in India.I wonder why there is so little talk about how we bring up our boys.

Scene in a neighborhood park
My four year old little daughter and another girl are making sand castles, a boy slightly older knocks off their castle twice.His mother sits on the bench across and just smiles.The girls for some strange reason or inbuilt "don't get hurt/molested/raped" syndrome walk away from the scene of confrontation and move to play on a slide.The bully follows them and prevents their play even there.Now as I get up to intervene the mother rushes and sheepishly pulls him away saying," oh! you know how it is ,boys will be boys"
Scene at a family reunion
A few cousins playing together and the boys pulling the girls' hair or throwing toys.The girls go crying to their moms and the mother of the boys or the grandmother say,"Oh  ladke to aise hi hote hain,zyada a shararti hote hain"( boys are like this,they are more naughty.)

Have you ever noticed how Johnny in the popular nursery rhyme Johnny Johnny yes papa ,just laughs ha ha ha when his lie is caught by his father,do we have the same standards for our girls?

When our children sing

Peter Peter pumpkin eater
Had a wife and couldn't keep her
He put her in a pumpkin shell
And there he kept her very well!


Imagine the kind of husband -wife equation we are putting forth,where the husband can or cannot"keep" a wife and then lock her at his will.What kind of an ideal is this for young boys,kiss the girls and make them cry?


Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry

Hindi rhymes are no better ,sample a few here.This one is called BANDAR KI SASURAL

Lathi lekar been bajata,

Bandar ja pahuncha sasural.

Mein aaya bandari ko lene,

Kaun banaye roti-daal.

or this one often taught in several variations

Titli udi , ud n saki,
bus me chadi, sit na mili,
sit na mili, rone lagi,
conductor ne kaha, chal mere saath,
Titli boli chal hatt badmaash.



or lessons like this one in Hindi books

Look at the cartoon shows we so happily let our kids watch where girls play the cooperative games and boys are always confrontational.Where pushing,killing,harassing is allowed and made to appear funny.There is no denying that games,rhymes,cartoons all are fun,but we have to be careful about what kind of images and messages are being given to our kids there.

So when I think of Gender violence now and seeking some kind of equality I think I should pledge to ring a bell  in fact ring all my alarm bells every time a parent ,grandparent or a teacher reinforces the stereotypes by saying Oh boys will be boys !

This is not harmful just for our girls but our boys are also getting trapped in stereotypical images of macho men who are crude,violent and destructive,and those who do not fit in again get derogatory labels.

Lets start to tackle gender violence from where it actually starts from the clean slates of our kids' minds,from the roots of the people they grow up to become.

This post is a part of the Indiblogger initiative for Bell Bajao.

Tale of the Tiffin-Box

Whoever said ,'life comes a full circle', probably meant it for only the higher philosophical concepts like aging,maturing of human relationships and the like.However for me this has come true in a very mundane yet intersting routine way,in the form of a tiffin-box.

I remember when I was a school student myself tiffin meant food packed by mothers(mostly) to be shared with friends during lunch break in school.It hardly had any glamour attached to it,the boxes were mostly steel ,round ,rectangular or square,alien to paper tissues ,cling wrap and silver foil.They were independent of brands and the unwanted classism that comes with it.

The contents too were often not too fancy- a simple aloo parantha,poori-sabzi and simple toasties made in manual toasters.The essence was yes the cliched mom's love and the sharing with friends,the mischief of making unequal shares and avoiding politely a baigan bharta or karela sabzi.

Now I sit on the other side of the fence,a mom who has to plan and pack a nutritious and non-junk tiffin for my toddler as the school suggests.The humble tiffin -box is now colourful and branded,it has multiple compartments and fewer friends.The sharing depends on how haute your cuisine is and your popularity in class.

Mom's love is a little diluted in the stress to make a new recipe every day and the tale of the tiffin-box goes on,may its joys come back !

I am proud...yet again !

In her tiny steps                                         
I had never imagined
the grace of a victorious queen

but thats how she walked into
that room full of strangers
with a smile unusual for
a clumsy toddler

her composed demeanour
floored my anxiety
almost instantly

it was time to learn
another lesson
in self-reliance,faith and trust

An unconventional
first day at school
sans any flare up or hitch

Priyamavada you didn't give me
a customary tale to tell
but who's complaining
you just gave me another day
when I am so proud of you !